Colours Of Sorrow
by A Goddess Under The Cupboard
Summary: Soliloquies and Diary entries of Harry Potter as he suffered as Voldemort's Concubine
1. How Many People Are Sacrificed For Love?

Chapter One: _How Many People Are Sacrificed For A Word Love?_

_A/N: Please listen to The End by Silverstein. My inspiration for writing this chapter_

_Link:_

_http: / www . youtube . com / watch ?v= cn9PTzcB3V4_

What will you do for love? Love is a strong word that everyone would offer up their lives in order to attain the happiness that this word will give them. I am caught by love's greatest trap; after all the things that I had done for him the reward were being an outcast. I am a fool for falling in his trap. **HE **promised me everything that I can't possibly have: Happiness. Since I was a child I am seeking my own personal happiness and the one who will give it to me.

(_I thought that he was the one who will save me from my shallow existence)_

I was a fool for believing each and every single lie that sprouted from his devious mouth. I forsake my friends in order to gain his favor; **HIS LOVE,** but it was only a clever plan of his to make the bloody boy-who-lived to fall in love with him and use him to satisfy his personal gains to destroy his enemies. I lead my friends and my loved ones to their deaths; and every time I closed my eyes I can still their expressions of hatred, betrayal and disgust at me as I sat in the Dark Lord's feet like a cat.

(_My Delusion, I still expect that He will love me back)_

I gave everything to him; my innocence, life and my **Love.** After he got what he wanted and all of his remaining enemies are vanquished, I was cast aside. I am just a fettered concubine waiting to be used at his disposal. He never married me after all he was the Dark Lord and he married the princess of the veelas in order to seal the treaty. I was his closely guarded secret, I am just like Rapunzel who was residing in a tower for almost all of her life until the Prince who saved her from the evil witch came and took her away. But unlike Rapunzel, I did not have anyone that will save me after all who wants to save a traitor who offered his own family to the evil Dark Lord.

He crushed my heart in to smithereens and I am too tired to love. I am too tired to seek my happiness; these things are not meant for me, they are meant for someone who was selfless and noble, my former self. What if I did not fall for his traps? Would I be happy? Would I be sitting in a rocking chair hand in hand with the woman (_Ginny Weasley) _whom I once loved as we watch our granddaughters and grandsons playing happily in our lawn?

(_There are no conditions in love so there should not be any regrets._)

I never regretted loving him but a part of my dead heart hoped that one day, I would wake up one day to find him looking at me with the same adoration and love that I had bestowed upon him. I am praying for the souls that I had sacrificed for my selfish dreams. Aunt Petunia always drags me to mass hoping that it will remove my freakish nature. When one of Uncle Vernon's relative died they forced me to join in the funeral and that is the only prayer which stricken my heart I uttered this prayer every night for my parents soul praying that they will always be safe in the afterlife.

Now I utter this prayer as repentance for those whom I killed knowing that they still hated me for betraying them but it's too late to ask for their forgiveness. My only regret was I am too weak to plead for their lives.

_Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine_

_Et lux perpetua effulsit super eos_

_Ut requiescat in pace_

_Amen_

_Ut animas et animas omnium fidelium defunctorum per Dei misericordiam_

_Amen_

No matter how many prayers for the dead that I prayed for a single day it won't bring them back. Tears flowed harshly down my face as I remember the cruel deeds that I had done to the ones I consider as family, for wasting their lives away for my pseudo happiness. I never realized it but they were my happiness and I ruined it because I fell for the lies of the Dark Lord who wanted me dead for years.

(_Salva Me)_

God, if you are really there please heed my prayers and help me to escape my pitiful predicament which I put myself into. Forgive me for all of my sins even if the crimes that I committed were unforgivable that the lives that I took can land me straight to the burning pits of hell. Give me strength to continue living my worthless existence.

_In Nomine Christi_

_Amen._

-Harry James Potter-

October 23, 2002

Gryffindor Tower

-Soliloquy of a broken man-


	2. Closed Within A Word Fate

Chapter Two: _How many people are closed within a word fate?_

A/N: Please listen to the song Will You Ever Learn by Typecast it's my inspiration in writing this chapter :)

Link:

http:/ www . youtube . com / watch ?v = mOeCBzgPq6s

(_Sors Salutis, et virtutis, michi nunc contraria_)

I can't understand why **Fate** is totally against me. Fate and her sister Destiny were testing out their sadistic tendencies on me. They took everything away from me; even the thought of a normal life. But they are not to be blamed, God gave us the most precious gift; the gift of logic in distinguishing what is right or wrong, it so happens that my **logic** is gullible; He gave it to us to carve our own destiny, as for me I happened to choose the crooked road. We're humans after all and we commit mistakes; but my mistake put me on an endless circle of suffering. My path was carefully laid out for me; if I had killed Tom Marvolo Riddle everything will be alright and the wizarding world would be happy and I would be happy too. I still imagine the life I would have if I had married Ginny, we would have beautiful kids and a home full of warmth, love and affection just like at The Burrow.

My logic made me believe that Riddle and I was a match made in heaven. Pathetic, I know that was a lame idea which got me hooked in our relationship. In the end I just found out that the saying 'There is a thin line between love and hate" was mental. Hatred can never be change to love; he still hates me as of today. If he really loves me then why would he give me to his Death Eaters as reward for a job well done? I loved him even though he treats me like rubbish, like a whore to be used as a release of his frustrations. I endured this treatment until now that I can't take it anymore.

I had **nothing **left to give him. I gave him everything he ever wanted from me and yet he never really appreciated those things that I gave him. He never visits me in this cold dreary tower which was formerly my home and now my prison of isolation. Sometimes I am happy if a Death Eater would come to take his reward because I had company; I must be going out of my mind. I wanted to free, away from this life. I would like to live in a country where they did not know the chosen one, boy-who-lived and traitor of the wizarding world.

(_Semper in Angaria)_

I am **enslaved **my heart which was entwined to his; even if he did not know. I am his slave, totally and irrefutably loyal to him in each and every single way. My love for him won't allow me to betray him. He did not allow his heart to see all the sacrifices that I had done for him. I know that this thing wasn't hard enough to do but I must also consider the fact that the man I love was conceived by the use of a love potion. He may never understand what love is (_Am I really that stupid to teach him how to love even though for the thousandth time that I tried to teach him how to love; he still won't bloody understand it)_ I am patiently teaching him how to understand and acquire it so that even once of his life he would feel love.

Maybe it was my fate to show him love and it might be my purpose in life. To teach the evil, racist and arrogant Dark Lord to love. According to psychologist there are three kinds of love:

Eros: desire; sexual love

Philia: warmth, closeness and affection associated with a beautiful relationship in a true friendship

Agapễ: oriented towards the wellbeing of the person.

My love for the Dark Lord Voldemort fell under agapễ because I loved him even though he treats me badly and I care for him not because of his power or influence but as a person. We are both orphans and I was lucky that I was raised with love and affection. We both had hard lives but he fell for the temptation of power and I am the one who will save him from his blunder. It was my mission to drag him back to the light.

But the question is:

Can I still save him?

When I am steadily falling into the brink of insanity

As I continuously break under his harsh hands

My heart was already destroyed into oblivion

Now that I am incapable of loving someone other than Him

Can I still teach him?

Or we will both fall into the endless darkness

(_Oratio)_

_God,_

_Please give me the strength to still hold on to my sanity. I know you wanted me to save Tom's soul before it's too late. Forgive me for all the sins that I had done and provide me with perpetual patience in order to teach him how to love. Give me my cause for continuing my meaningless existence and give Tom enlightenment in order to understand the most beautiful thing in the world that he had been missing and that is love._

_In Nomine Christi_

_Amen_

I wished that I was born without magicand maybe Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon will accept me as their son aside from Dudley and that my life would be simple. In my times of isolation there are so many what ifs that I had been thinking which I had hoped to happen in my life.

But God had pointed my destiny to save the dying soul of Tom Marvolo Riddle. Let not my will but yours be done. If this is my punishment for betraying my family I will gladly do it as a form of repentance and I will do everything in my power to show the Dark Lord the light of your love.

-Harry James Potter-

January 23, 2003

Gryffindor Tower

-Soliloquy of a Tired Man-


	3. Flavor Of Life

Chapter Three: _Flavor Of Life_

A/N: Sorry for the late update, please listen to this song it serves as my inspiration for the story

http:/ www. Youtube .com /watch ?v= 3Ta0vEnki9E

(_Proficio)_

Since his veela consort went to visit her parents; he allowed me to go outside today. He told me that I should see the world that I helped him built through my treachery. I never wanted to see the dystopia that I had cause since from the beginning of our relationship, I knew that I had damned this world into nothingness. As I stepped out of Hogwarts' ground, the sunrays gently caressed my utterly pale skin; the sun never touched my skin for three years starting when I was imprisoned inside the Gryffindor tower.

I was consumed with self-hatred, as I saw the people whom I deprived of their happiness and as they throw their baleful glances at my direction; I pulled my cloak tightly at my body and shield my face from their intense glare. I told Snape (He's my tour guide to the new wizarding world) to apparate to Hertfordshire and he easily acquiesced to my request.

I went directly to St Alban's Cathedral. The sight of the Cathedral brought nostalgia as I remember that during Easter Sunday; that Aunt Petunia and I always went here to pray. I knelt down and prayed for the people whose lives that I destroyed in my selfish gains. I never noticed that Severus sat beside me until he spoke; which lead to a meaningful conversation.

"He's not real, Potter. It is just a statue, and then if he is real why did he not saved you from your sufferings?" he asked me quietly as he stared at the crucifix.

"We caused our own sufferings, Severus." I told him as I slowly opened my eyes from my meditative state.

"Are you really that dumb, Potter? You are the one who condemned the whole wizarding world to suffer from the hands of a dictator and now you are telling me that I cause my own suffering?" He yelled at me, luckily we are the only ones inside the Church during that time.

"Temptations are invitations to sins; and sins cause sufferings. If you are not tempted to get revenge on my father, you won't be a Death Eater. If you are not tempted to get a higher favor to the Dark Lord, you won't tell him about the prophecy you overheard, my mother; the woman you loved, might still be alive today. If you are not blinded by those childhood memories, you will see that I am truly different from my father. "I told him calmly; he glared at me as though he was trying to kill me through his eyes.

"I caused my own suffering too, Severus. The Dark Lord is my temptation and he is also my sin. He tempted me through the things I ever wanted when I was a child. He promised me, Happiness and Love which are the only things that I ever wanted in this world. But then I realize that I already had those things when it is too late; when I was already caught in his machinations and schemes. God is **there, **even though we cannot see or hear him. He is always here to guide us."

"He is forgiving; he will accept you back even if you lose your faith in him. Since we cause our sufferings, we have to rise from it and God will give us guidance as we free ourselves from our sins. Our sins will make or break us, Severus." I told him quietly as I wiped away the tears that flowed down my face during my tirade.

"I know that it sounds mental but, I feel that this is God's ordained purpose in my life. To show Tom Marvolo Riddle, I need your help to show the Dark Lord the light."

He looked at me straight on as I stared at him through teary jade eyes. My emerald eyes dimmed through the years of pain and suffering; I miss my vibrant eyes that I had in the past, now it looked soulless and dead. As though my soul had fled the world of the living and to the place where his loved ones dwelt or maybe may soul was already roasting in hell.

"A person who is conceived through love potion can never understand what love is, Potter. As far as I am concerned, I can't do anything to help you but still I will try to develop a cure to the Dark Lord's predicament." He said quietly.

I hugged him tightly, and through that hug I hoped that he will feel how grateful I am for his help. Also I tried to convey my apologies for the pain that I had caused him for years. I know that he is suffering through my continued existence since my eyes will serve as a perpetual reminder of the loved that he had lost.

_God,_

_Please help Severus and me to accomplish the mission that you had bestowed upon me. I also pray for the people whom I cause pain and torment through the hands of Lord Voldemort. Give me enough strength to do your bidding and I know that my time to leave this world is nearing so I implore you to give me enough time to teach Tom how to love. Let not my will but yours be done. I pray that when I live this world it will be happier and brighter under the leadership of Tom. I know that I am asking too much but please heed my prayers since this is the only way that I can undo my sins._

_In Nomine Christi_

_Amen_

Right after I finished praying, Severus' Dark Mark burned and we immediately disapparated from the Church, the Dark Lord told him to put me back to Gryffindor tower and I wallowed on my own self-pity again.

_My time on this World is slowly dissipating_

_Maybe I might not finish my mission in time_

_That I am going to leave this world_

_Shrouded in darkness_

_Tom might not know love_

_And the populace will continue to suffer _

_In his hands_

Will I ever teach Tom how to love before I left this world? I know that I had a limited time to do this and my life is slowly fading away like the foliage of the trees. Maybe I will continue to slip away to the darkness and there is no one to catch me when I fall. My sanity is slipping away and my only anchor to the ground is my prayers.

_Salva Me, Deus_

_-Harry James Potter-_

_-Gryffindor Tower-_

_-July 31, 2003-_

_-Soliloquies of a slowly dying man-_

_A/N: I used my theology notes as a guide for Harry's and Severus' conversation in this chapter and somehow I think I got it right . Please Read and Review and tell me what you think if the story is somehow leaning more on the subject of religion. _


	4. I Never Dreamed

Chapter Four: _ I Never Dreamed That I Need Somebody like You_

_A/N: Sorry for the late update. Since my mind was still on vacation mode due to the wonderful places that I had visited. My inspirations for this chapter are the wonderful episodes of Word of the Lourd and Chris Isaak's awesome song Wicked Game _

_Also one of my inspirations: __http:/www ./watch?v=uI_9kZ2qZNE&feature=related_

(_Teneo_)

In a normal relationship if your partner got too abusive, you'll give them a second chance and if they if they never changed then that is the time that you would leave him in order to preserve your dignity and self-respect. In my case it was different even if He hurts me badly; I am still here by his side; I know that you would dubbed me stupid for forgiving him again and again but what can I do? I love him too much and he's the only one left from my past. I wish that I could scoff at that idea but I was the one who deprived me of the people who truly loved me and the one who led them to be slaughtered mercilessly by the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters.

The doors to my room opened and I was surprised that Tom finally decided to visit me in this lonely tower but I was shocked when he backhanded me, the force of the hit toppled me put of my chair. His gaze was intense and furious.

"How dare you flirt with my servant?" he hissed and he grabbed my hair and slammed me to the nearest wall. "You belong to me Harry Potter, and it is time to show you again to whom you truly belong."

"What are you talking about, my Lord? I did nothing to incite your anger." I said calmly but I can't help the shiver of fear which ran down my spine. Memories of my brief sojourn in St Alban's Cathedral with Snape flashed in my mind. I will not live with the knowledge that I had caused his death.

Tom gave a cruel smirk as he read my thoughts "Are you trying to elope with Severus; my little concubine?" If he could just open his heart and see that I truly belong to him, he won't need to ask this because he would know deep in his heart that I am his but he let his eyes to see what he wanted. He only sees me as a weapon and as a trophy to be bragged about.

"No, my Lord." I told him quietly; my eyes sparkled with tears as he disrobed me with a flick of his wand. He will teach me to whom I truly belonged and he took me without my consent.

'It hurts', my mind screams and a thousand sharpened knives cut into my heart as tears of betrayal ran down my face. I never thought that he will ever do this to me but it was in his nature to take everything then after he had taken everything from you he will discard you afterwards.

He did discard me, he locked me up in my former House Tower for three years and now that he's suspecting me in eloping with Snape; he finally gave notice on the toy that he had given away and he decided that he wanted it back. He left me naked, broken and alone as I sobbed into the blood stained sheets. He took everything away from me and he wanted something more from me which I cannot give.

I already gave him my heart, which he decided to break and to laugh at the misery he had caused me. I gave him my life, which he did not, took care of and he left me broken and wasting away. I gave him my soul, my entire being, which he abandoned in a cold dark abyss so that it cannot be saved. I gave him the most precious things that I can give and yet he let it crumble into pieces in front of me. The former Harry Potter which everyone put in a high pedestal until his sudden fall from grace is now dead and now he is nothing more than a shadow of his former glory. I am just a shell of my former self; sometimes when I look into a mirror I can see my former self smirking down at me.

_(I can't take this anymore. Please if you can hear me take me away from this world. I am not able to teach him how to love now that I am utterly broken. Now that he took everything from me and crushed it in his hands; he is now satisfied. I know that he only wanted to see me defeated and worthless and it is enough for me. It's too much to ask but I can't go on live another day to teach a man who was conceived by a love potion to love.) _

Professor Dumbledore always says that love is the strongest magic; I now doubt his sanity. If love can answer everything then Tom would never instigate this war, no lives would have been taken and we are still living happily and peacefully. Love is just an illusion, an illusion which I deluded myself into. I am a weakened soul still trying to grasp the little things which was left from me, still trying to grasp my self-respect even if I reduced myself to be the Dark Lord's and his minions whore.

Tom knew that he created me. He marked me as his equal when I was a child and only he can break me. He broke me to the extent of the cruelest ways and now that he obliterated me into nothing; he made sure that nobody can salvage me from the ruins of my depression. Tom really is a great manipulator. He manipulated me to betray everyone that I loved and be his most loyal servant by being his concubine.

_God_

_Salva Me. I only had one wish and that is to save me from this life._

_In Nomine Christi_

_Amen_

I am struggling to hold on at the minimal sanity that I had in order to finish my mission. I need a catalyst that will spark the Dark Lord's feeling of remorse in order for him to life. I won't assume that my death will be a perfect catalyst.

A pair of red eyes watched his eternal prisoner through a looking glass. It's gaze was full of satisfaction that he had finally broken the savior of the wizarding world but it was also mixed with regret as he watched his broken battered concubine crying his heart into the cold lonely night.


	5. Where Has My Heart Gone?

Chapter Five: Where Has My Heart Gone?

A/N: Sorry for the late update. T.T

Warnings: Change in POV

(Fracta)

He broke me beyond repair. Bruises littered my body from the horrible event; I never thought that he will do that to me. Tears still flowed through my eyes as though they are equipped with faucets. I hardened my resolve as I stood up from the ungraceful position that he left me and I let the seeping cold which was emanating from the dreary tower into my heart. I won't let Him do this to me again, as I stepped in front of the mirror; the one thing which arrested my attention is my eyes. The nil life which they had in them was gone along with my hopes that Tom will change withered away, there is nothing left in me, even my capacity to love which Dumbledore claimed that can defeat the Dark Lord vanished.

I was fed up in seeing in what I had become, I shattered the mirror which was reflecting my vanquished form and I felt a morbid satisfaction in the steady flow of blood which emanates from my hand. The gash in my hand was a relief from freeing my mind from the abyss of insanity.

_Deus,_

_S__alva me ex Meis esse sumpturum quae insania.__Obsecro ut me fortitudine et sapientia in missionem liber meus dilectus a tenebris.  
><em>

_In nomine Christi_

_Amen_

My prayer silently slid off from my tongue and a sense of peace and I collapsed at the cold brick floor surrounded by broken shards of glass, which represented my broken heart. I wanted to go back to the times where I still held my innocent fascination with the world, which I still think that it is full of sunshine and butterflies, but I was given a sharp slap by reality that the world is not the place that I thought it to be.

We associated our emotions with colours but the profound sorrow that I felt cannot be matched with any colours that I knew exists. My sorrow was neutral in its totality, it cannot be healed nor can it be alleviated from a kiss from one's true love.

I shiver with excitement as I anticipated my death. I wanted to flee this world and forget about my sufferings, which I had caused unto myself. It is irreversible the things that I had done cannot be undone by mere whim or wish.

(This is not what I had in Mind)

Tom's POV:

I looked away from the looking glass, I cannot bear to watch as my Harry continued to stare at the broken pieces of glass as though it was a shredded part of him and I cannot take to see the steadily flowing blood in his hands which he took as a reprieve to free himself from the insanity which I had caused.

I was blinded with jealousy when I saw Severus' memory and anger that he incites these disgusting emotions at me. I took him brutally to remind myself that he still belongs to me. I locked up my weakness in a gloomy tower for three years, and that weakness is none other than my bane of existence; Harry James Potter. I let my Death Eaters used him in order to cover up my weakness and to remind myself that he was only a toy to me, a toy to play with and discard afterwards after I was done playing with it. Every time that I look upon the looking glass as I watch a Death Eater takes him, my mind was clouded by anger and disgust that I let my followers touch my possession.

I turned a blind eye and deafen my ears to his pleas and his tears of betrayal. I justified that in doing this I am turning myself back to the man I once was and for three years I left him in that tower in solitary confinement. I cannot bear to look into his once vibrant emerald eyes which were full of life, and now they are turned into lifeless depths. I was the one who caused him pain and suffering and my plan to use him as a means to and end backfired unto me.

I never expected that I will fall into my own machinations that I fell in love with my arch nemesis; I cannot undone the cruel things that I had done to him nor could I repent for the terrible crimes that I commit to him, my actions were unforgivable and in my stubbornness to remain my cold hearted mask, I had broken him into tiny myriad pieces that I cannot put back. I the Dark Lord Voldemort is the greatest fool who ever graced this world, in my disgust with my seemingly human emotions, ruined my chance at happiness that Harry might give to me.

I ruined the one who loved me for what I am and not for my power. The one I loved hardened his heart and the love he once freely gave to me was now locked up in his concrete heart. How am I supposed to repent for the things that I had done for him, how am I going to put back the life in his eyes and how am I going to put back the heart that I shattered knowingly and cruelly. If there is really a God then I pray that he'll help me to fix the things that I destroyed only to realize that it meant so much to me in the end.

Regret is always at the end, not at the beginning. It was to teach me a lesson to appreciate the things Harry had done for me for the past three years. I was astounded by his loyalty and love for me that he never resented me and he forgave for all the atrocious things that I had done for him.

Am I still be able to salvage Harry's broken soul before he succumbs to the Abyss of nothingness? I dearly hope that I am not yet late.


	6. Our Farewell

Chapter Six: Our Farewell

I am standing at the middle of a rye field with no beginnings or ends. It was a moonless night and a slight breeze caressed my face. The field was so beautiful in its own way, but I can't help to think that this desolate field represents who I truly am inside; a broken, defeated man. The rye brushed at my feet as if trying to soothe my spiritual anguish but to no avail. My pain can never be alleviated by mere plants because the pain that I felt transcends beyond the human capacity to tolerate suffering.

I never regretted loving Tom with all my heart and soul, but I was saddened that he took everything for granted that the things I had sacrificed and done for his name went down the drain. As I opened my eyes, I am back at my atrocious reality that I am still stuck at my gilded cage. The bruises and wounds from the even last night vanished as if nothing had really happened. Apparently, Dobby tended to my wounds as I was sleeping and cleaned the remains of the ruined mirror. At the thought of Dobby, tears pooled at my eyes that he was still loyal to me in spite of my betrayal.

A white robe was laid out at the foot of my bed, how fitting that this might be the last thing that I am going to wear for this day. Is this going to be the day that the one I love decided to execute me? I shivered as a sense of foreboding crept upon me. I kneeled down on and prayed my possibly last prayer; a prayer for my own death.

"Requiem Aeternam Dona Mihi

Domine, et lux perpetua luceat mihi.

Ut ego requiem

In pacem.

Amen."

As I finished my prayer a Death Eater suddenly entered the room and beckoned me to follow him. My feelings of foreboding increased in each step away from my lonely prison. My heart beats like a fluttering bird that wanted to escape the grasp of its predator, but I did not back down, if I am going to die today I will meet death as an old friend.

The Death Eater led me into the Great Hall. All of his followers are present and I guess that he wanted an audience as he killed me. But when I saw the vela with her rotund belly, tears began to pooled at my eyes, I WILL NOT LET THEM FALL, and I will not let him see the hurt in my face. He led me into the dais and another throne was added. I blinked at it confuse at the sudden term of events.

I thought that he was going to kill me but why is he giving me an equal footing with his veela consort? Why is he letting me sit on a throne as if I were their equal?

Tom suddenly rose up from his throne and all of the chatting Death Eaters fell silent.

"My Death Eaters, I wish you to treat my lover," he gestured at me "with respect and if everyone dares to lay a hand on him, I will make sure that the one who violates my rule will be punished severely."

My heart leaped up, the shrivelled hope in it flared back to life. But what if this is another trap? What if he's trying to fool me again and break me until there is nothing left from this pitiful shell of a human being? An angry shout reverberated at the hall and Bellatrix step up in front of her Lord; her face was full of hatred and envy as she gazes at me and the veela princess.

"I have proved myself to you My Lord; and I became one of your trusted servants. I have given you everything; my very being for you to command. But still I am not worthy of your love; instead you are eloping with those whores. If I can't love you, then no one can." Bellatrix shouted angrily as I saw her pull out a sharp knife under her robes.

A glint of silver and a sharp stinging pain and I were staring at Bellatrix's furious face as she failed to kill her target. The knife was brutally embedded on my chest; blood was flowing steadily unto the floor like a macabre paint tarnishing the unblemished dance floor. I did not try the foolish attempt to quell the flow of blood, I finally collapsed; my body was the last ensemble to the horrible artwork my blood had created. A flash of green light and the body of Voldemort's most trusted lieutenant joined my fallen body in the canvass.

Severus immediately rushed to my side and raised his wand to heal my injury but I hold on to his wand arm and shook my head. My life force was dwindling and I am now feeling Death's cold but loving embrace. It was absurd for me to use myself as a shield; Tom was immortal but in the end I still loved him, and I don't want him to wander round and suffer as a spirit.

"Harry, hold on. " Tom's voice flickered in my mind as my vision continued to turn to black. "Please, hold on. I love you." Those three words broke my heart.

'No, I won't let you to destroy me again.' I thought as I smiled sadly at him and shook my head. "Tom, we both know that's a lie. You never loved me…I lov-"

The final gasps of breath left my body and now I am at peace, but as my spirit rose out from my body and towards the torturous abode of hell, he still broke me as I saw him clutching my body. Tears full of remorse and perfumed with sadness anointed my body; tears which came from the eyes of a man who never cried or showed weakness in front of anyone.

Tom's POV:

"Harry, hold on. "My voice was slowly cracking as I hugged his form closer to mine. "Please, hold on. I love you."

I knew that it was a selfish request, when I see Harry stopped Severus' advances to heal him, I knew that he wanted to slip away from this world. If he wanted to stay with me he would let Severus heal his injuries; I have to let him go, I don't want him to suffer from my selfish request. If I truly loved him then I have to let him go.

"Tom, we both know that's a lie. You never loved me…I lov-". He gasps slowly and with a final exhalation of breath, he slumped into my arms. His eyes closed peacefully closed as if he were only sleeping, a sleep so deep that he cannot be roused from it. His last word shred my heart into pieces. If only he knew what I said was real and not an illusion from his dying mind.

I clutched Harry's body tightly unto me and droplets of water continued to drip into the body of the one that I dearly loved. Did I really hurt him that bad, that he never believed in Dumbledore's favourite word. The former headmaster said that Love was the most powerful magic then why did Harry die at my hands? My heart was full of remorse that I am too late to save him, and I am too late to show him how I love him.

If only I could turn back the hourglass so that I can change my fate. I only wished that a deity heed my prayers and return back the man I loved. I cannot bear the horrible melancholic pain which was crushing my chest to pieces. I never thought that he would die that he will eternally be at my side. I was the only one who is immortal, I wanted to follow him; my life has no meaning that the one I loved finally left me.

'Is he waiting for me at the other side?' I thought as a scream of anguish tore at my throat and I hugged his still cold body tighter. 'If I had enough courage to confess my love for you and did not put you through that horrible suffering would you still believed that I can love you back?'

I ran my hand through his hair and said the things that I should have said to him in the beginning. "I love you, my Harry. Forgive me for the foolish attempt to destroy my weakness, which is you. I never thought that as I destroyed you, I am destroying a part of me in the process. I wanted to redeem you from the abyss in which I had put you through, but alas I am too late."

If only unwavering longing could raise someone up from the dead.

If only I had said those three words

If only…

Tears flowed from my face like glittering raindrops that falls from the sky. I the Dark Lord Voldemort was vanquished by my adversary and the one I loved; Harry James Potter.

A/N: This is the last chapter of Colours of Sorrow. I hope you enjoy reading this . Translation of the prayer:

Eternal rest grant upon me, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon me. May I rest in peace. Amen


	7. Sorry

August 11, 2012

I quit as a fan fiction author. I am sorry for the stories that I left unfinished but I have to focus in my College life and at the literary contest that I am going to join soon and it is an annual event.

To those who would visit my profile, kindly pm me if you are interested in adopting my stories.

- a goddess under the cupboard-


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